Weight Loss Journal, Entry number one

Okay, it is a little comical to keep writing these "Nothing can stop me now" posts, only to log back in 6 months later and have to admit I've actually gained weight! I think I was 253 when I last posted six months ago, and I'm about 268 now. Up 15. At last year's physical, I was 248, which means I am up 20. So, if one definition of "insanity" is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, then I am afraid I'm a nut job.

Oh well.

So what can I do differently? Eat three moderate meals and three small snacks and nothing in between? Hmm, not exactly rocket science. What else? Go to OA meetings? A possibility. Walk daily? Sure. Um. There, that's a plan.

And...drum roll, please...document the entire thing in this blog. Seriously. If writing is helpful (one of the OA "tools," then writing a blog that might be helpful to others has got to be helpful too. So this is entry number one. More soon. :-)

Okay, let's be real: no, that is not my arm. But let's not be disparaging. The guy in the picture is obviously working hard, and if he keeps it up, someday his arm will undoubtedly be as large as mine.

My thigh, that is.

I am shooting for 245 by May 30. I am about five pounds away. My more astute readers will realize this means I haven't really lost anything since the conclusion of my LAST bet. Not true! I have lost the five pounds I immediately gained back since the conclusion of my last bet and the commencement of this one.

Enough math. The burning questions is this: how am I going to pull off losing five pounds in four days?

First, let's discuss the buffer. I learned from the last bet that if I throw on the sweats and do one hour on the eliptical in the cardio zone I can sweat off four pounds. But I have also learned that a crisis at work can easily prevent me from getting to the gym in the morning, so I can't bank on that. I need a legitimate strategy.

Here are the "silver" bullets:

• Write everything down 
• Eat only 39 WW points
• Drink, drink, drink -- water, not wine
• Move, move, move -- walk, cut the yard, go up and down the stairs
• Play ultimate with the kids
• Hit the speedbag

I think I need to plan to rev the metabolism every two hours (on the even hours) for at least 10 minutes. And drink one cup of water or tea.. Okay, then, two more bullets:

Every two hours (on the even hours):

• Do 10 minutes brisk activity
• Drink 8 ounces of water or tea

Okay, so that sounds like a plan, then. I'll update this -- probably, maybe -- throughout the weekend to keep you posted.

Lean, Mean...Softserve Machine?

Two sixty-eight.

For the past two or three years I have been in a rut. On the high end of the rut is 270, the low end 260. I work out and diet and sweat and run away from ice cream, and I slowly and painful drop to 260. I relax, even a little, eat a second (or third or fourth) slice of pizza, break off half a cannoli (and then a quarter and then an eighth, before repeating the process with a second or third cannoli) and before I know it I am once again knocking on the door of 270.

I've been lifting (see "Pumping Iron -- The Musical") which, in addition to a constantly aching right shoulder, has given me a little of my musculature back, but the fact remains: some guys have a six-pack, but I've still got a pony keg.

I have to bite the bullet and go cardio. Walking is actually very effective for me. I walk 30 or more minutes a day, and the number on the digital scale starts to fall. Eliptical, treadmill and other gym machine cardio is good, but it bores me out of my freakin' mind. I like jumping rope -- and have a zillion different kinds -- so that's good. I love P90x, but can't find the DVDs. (They're somewhere, I know it.) I like working outside, and I have always been fond of good, old-fashioned, Marine Corps calisthenics. So I have a lot of options.

What I need is a plan.

Okay, then. Here's the plan that begins from this moment on:

• 30 min. morning roadwork (walk/run) or ropework AND/OR



• 30 min. lunchtime cardio (eliptical/class/etc.) AND/OR



• 30 min. evening walk/run/calistenics.

At minimum, I will do 30 min. of SOMETHING everyday. If I miss the morning, I shoot for lunch. If lunch doesn't materialize, then it has to happen when I get home. In short, I can't go to sleep until I've done my 30 min. NO EXCEPTIONS.

It is June 20, so I will shoot to weigh 250 (loss of 18 pounds) by August 30.

Motivational comments welcomed!

"I Used to be Fat"

Have you ever seen that show on MTV, I Used to Be Fat? I am not usually a fan of the extreme weight loss reality shows (like Biggest Loser), since people who lose weight and keep it off typically lose 1-2 pounds a week -- as opposed to 90 pounds is 100 days. But something about this show reminds me of the single-minded determination I used be able to muster.

My plan is to get to 211. I weighed 266 at the end of 2010, so that means I need to lose 55 pounds. Now I could go on I Used to Be Fat and lose it in a month and a half, but I'm thinking I'll take it a little more leisurely than that.

I will eat 2400 calories a day--600 calories for each of the three thirds of the day: 6-12, 12-6, 6-bedtime. I'll do the 100 Pushups plan and cardio on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and I'll lift weights Tuesday and Thursday.

I'll divide it into three phases:

• Phase One will be from 266-250.
• Phase Two will be from 250-225.
• Phase Three will be from 225-211.

I'll write about each phase once I figure out what each will entail. :-)

Wei Wu Weight Loss

Okay, this has gotten embarassing. It's like the episode of Friends when Phoebe first tries to visit her father, and she sits there in the front seat of the cab, with Joey and Chandler encouraging her from the back, and she keeps saying, "Okay, so here I go. I'm going. Here I go." And yet she doesn't budge.

That's like me and my recent weight loss attempts. Bold proclamations followed by...nothing. My weight has continued to hover in the 260-270 range.

Still obese.

But now I am changing my tact. The Taoists have a phrase, wei wu wei, which means doing without doing. This is most often taken to mean doing without striving or fretting or over-thinking. In martial arts, it is like the concept of no-mind. Letting your subconscious or muscle memory or whatever do the moves, while your mind remains essentially at peace.

And so that's my new plan: have no plan. Just get healthy.

Not sure how engaging this will be in terms of blog entries. We'll see. You can always comment to let me know.

Sine Qua Non: Exericise (without which, it ain't happening)

I am certain -- as certain as one can be without examining the actual DNA -- that I have the fat gene. This is the little piece of code in one's DNA that predisposes one to packing on the pounds. This is why some people are happy with little portions of healthy food, while others of us crave piles of pasta and sacks of Big Macs. This is why some people eat all they want and stay thin as a rail, which others of us look the wrong way at a piece of cake and put on a pound.

This fat gene, called the FTO gene or more affectionately the "Fatso" gene, is on the 16th chromosome. This explains why I have always harbored a secret dislike of 16 (through not nearly as much as I dislike 43 and his dad, 41).

But just when you thought all was lost, the Amish come to the rescue. Researchers discovered that, among Amish men and women, those who were very physically active were able to circumvent the negative impact of the Fatso gene. Exercise, therefore, is the first number of the combination lock, the secret ingredient -- the sine qua non, that without which it ain't happening. (This is the sort of losey-goosey translation that would make my Latin teachers at Choate cringe and suggest I try Spanish or French.)

So my first step is to take my first step. Walk, that is. Rather than worry too much about what I eat, I am going to focus all my effort on establishing the habit of getting regular exercise. At first, this will be walking a lot. At least once a day for 20 minutes. We'll see where we go from there.

The Time Has Come: The Healthy Elvis Diet

I have concluded my final diet bet. It was a draw. Now I have to figure out how to motivate myself to get back on track and again begin moving down to 208.

In other words, it's time to resurrect my own diet creation: The Healthy Elvis Diet.

The Healthy Elvis Diet began with a simple premise. Anyone can lose weight if they make healthy versions of the foods they normally eat. I remember thinking to myself, "Even Elvis." And just like that, a diet was born.

I bought a book of Elvis's favorite recipes and healthified them. The obvious place to begin was the king's signature sandwich: peanut butter and 'nana. I substituted whole wheat for Wonder, natural salt-free peanut butter for Skippy, and the toaster for the skillet full of butter. Voila.

That is the first step in this diet. Eat a healthified peanut butter and banana sandwich every day. I like mine at breakfast, but you can have it any time, really.

Do that for a week, then we'll go on to step two. Oh yeah, and drink 48 ounces of water a day. Just those two things: PBB and H2O.

Lose [the bet] to lose [the weight]

Okay, the time has finally come to say "Enough is enough."

You can not lose weight and keep it off by crazy dieting. Everybody knows this, but most of us -- myself included -- still harbor the secret desire to drop the weight fast and then get sensible. But I (and I suspect more than a few of you) are living proof it doesn't work that way.

The last weight bet I'll ever make concludes on September 2. I have 15 or so pounds to drop between now and then. And you know what? I could do it. I'm serious. I could eat cabbage soup, work out like Michael Phelps and drench layer after layer of sweatclothes, and I could drop that insane amount. And even as I say it, there's a part of me egging me on, saying "Yeah, man. Do it! Win!" But in this case, losing (the weight) is losing (the war).

To be healthy, we have to...be healthy. We have to eat in moderation. Not too much, not too little. We have to exercise regularly -- and at a healthy intensity and duration. And until we embrace this truth, we will never reach a healthy weight long enough to enjoy it. We will always bounce back up.

So I am refusing to do it. I am turning my back on the cash (glorious cash) and the short-term satisfaction of Pyrrhic victory. Instead, I am cutting my losses (literally and figuratively) and going back to slow and steady. Going back to counting points and tracking what I eat on weightwatchers.com. Going back to trying to be healthy -- not just thinner.

In other words, I have to be the loser to actually lose and thereby win.

Compute Your BMI -- without an advanced degree in mathematics

For those of you motivated by my last inspiring post to determine your own Body Mass Index, here's an easy BMI calculator from the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute:

BMI Calculator

My Goal: Become Overweight

Body Mass Index (BMI) was invented so people of different heights could compare there relative fatness...I mean fitness...in some meaningful way. Somehow, some scientist somewhere said, "What if we take a person's weight in kilograms and divide it by the square of his or her height in meters?" (An obvious solution....) And so BMI was born. To convert that crazy formula to English measurements (i.e., to use pounds and inches), you just have to multiply the whole crazy mess by 705. In other words, here's the formula:

BMI = Weight (lbs.) / Height (in.)2 x 705

So, according to BMI, I am currently Obese. At 280, my highest weight and the point from which I began this recent weight loss, I had a BMI of 37. As you can see from the chart above, that put me at the high side of Obese. Eleven more pounds, and I would have been categorized as Morbidly Obese. Yikes.

Now, at 253, I have a BMI of 34 and I am now officially closer to being merely Overweight. To actually attain my goal of being merely Overweight, I'd have to weight 217. That means losing 36 more pounds.

But at 217, I feel and look pretty damned good, to tell the truth. To get down to Normal, or 187 pounds, would put me at a weight I haven't seen since 1982.

Let's just work on getting down to Overweight. We'll see where we go from there.

The Second Weigh-In: The Diet Bet Dilema Continues

This is just a quick update on, yes, another diet bet. And no, it's not "my friend," it's me. And yes, I have to drop an unrealistic amount or weight to win, thereby violating healthy weight loss rule #1, never try to lose an unrealistic amount of weight.

Be that as it may, here's the scoop: I have to weigh 247 1/2 by Tuesday, July 5. Last I weighed, I was 258. So once again, it's 10 pounds (10 1/2 actually) with 4 days to do it. It reminds me of a line from a Bob Dylan song:

"Here I sit so patiently,
waiting to find what price,
you have to pay to get out of
going through all these things twice."

I guess I'll go with the winning strategy from one of my earlier entries.

After this, though, all bets are off. Seriously. For a while anyway. The goal is to lose slowly and to keep the weight off. Crazy diets and diet bets are not the best way to achieve that. So this is it. The last diet bet.

Pounds pouring off, payola piling up

Perhaps I am easily impressed, but I can't believe I have made $22.30 by writing about my battle to get back to the lean, mean Jason Hunt of my youth. It took me years to write my two mystery novels about Deke Rivers, and yet my blog earnings have already outstipped my novel earnings...by $22.30.

Maybe I almost missed my true calling. Think about it. All America has been transfixed on the Herculean efforts and phenomonal transformations of contestants on NBC's The Biggest Loser. Maybe, just maybe, I am meant to at last attain my fame and fortune not by writing hardboiled classics, and not by matching the weight loss heroics of those biggest losers, but rather by endlessly struggling for merely meager results -- and writing about that.

Maybe I am supposed to be America's Most Moderate Loser. Or America's Least Impressive but Funniest Loser.

Hmm. I'll continue to comtemplate the possibilities, and you can continue to click on the ads, and together we'll see just how far this thing goes. If any of you have other ideas for how to make this blog into even more of a cash cow, please post a comment.

And yes, with $22.30 of revenue, I think I am now successful enough to once again dust off and reveal to the world my secret weapon in the battle against pudgacity and out-of-shape-itude. Yes, beginning with my next post, I will start sharing the secrets of "The Healthy Elvis Diet."

"Thank you. Thank you very much."

Till then, eat moderately, exercise enthusiastically, and click gratuituously.